Oral sex for her
Oral sex has been described as many women’s favorite sexual activity in survey after survey. This may be a challenging thing for men to accept, because male pride often depends on being erect and enjoying intercourse.
But while it’s true that many women really enjoy having their man inside them, only a small minority of about twenty percent will ever be able to reach orgasm in this way.
Many more women can easily reach orgasm through oral sex.
In fact, combining the soft warmth of your tongue and lips with the delicate touch of your fingers is likely to give your partner some delightful sensations that can lead her to a powerful orgasm. She’ll certainly appreciate gentle and loving caresses to other parts of her body like her breasts while you give her pleasure in this way.
Try experimenting with your tongue – move it around her vulva and the opening to her vagina, finding the spots where she’s most responsive and sensitive. If you sense that she’s approaching orgasm, you can apply a more direct pressure to her clitoris with your finger.
Good oral sex for women needs a lot of communication both ways.
Women may really enjoy oral sex, but feel ashamed about wanting it or they might need extra reassurance that their lover really enjoys giving oral sex to them. I think the fact that men enjoy it is something women need to mull over for a bit before they can comprehend it – and, yes, it really does turn him on!
So, men, keep showing her that you are enjoying yourself, and let her know that you are doing this as much for yourself as for her.
How women like oral sex is a very individualistic thing. Again, give her time to get aroused especially if you want to use your fingers too.
Some women like a lot of pressure, but only on the vulva and not near the clitoris; others like soft stroking or sucking plus maybe manual stimulation of the G-spot inside the vagina.
Take your time to explore her reactions and don’t feel afraid to ask for feedback.
Also, give your lover some time to practice receiving. A lot of women aren’t too good at just lying back and losing themselves in their own bodily sensations.
But again, all women are different and any generalizations will probably be disproven by your lover!
Video – best oral sex
Keeping a rhythmic movement going is important. Unlike men, who want harder and faster stimulation as they approach orgasm, most women prefer to have an even and regular tempo right up to the moment when they begin to come – then slightly harder pressure can tip them over the edge into orgasm.
Another very good reason for incorporating cunnilingus (that’s when the man licks or kisses his partner’s vulva) into foreplay is that when a woman has already enjoyed an orgasm during oral sex, she’ll be more aroused and ready for penetration.
And if she’s already had an orgasm, it may matter rather less to her if her man as a tendency to ejaculate quickly after he inserts his penis into her vagina. She says:
I am sure most women won’t mind if their partner ejaculates quickly if they’ve had plenty of time beforehand to come through oral sex.
In fact this set-up makes the whole panic men seem to have about coming too quickly rather unnecessary.
Although women can experience multiple orgasm much more easily than men, not all women will want you to continue touching their clitoris and vulva after they’ve reached orgasm.
More information on this tricky subject can be found here. First, if you’re interested in female ejaculation, check out this page.
Next, if you want to know more about female ejaculation, and perhaps even see it on video, then this will be of interest to you.
For some women, the clitoris is extremely sensitive at this point, and touching it can be unpleasantly intense. Other women, however, will enjoy further touch and possibly enjoy another orgasm as well.
Although oral sex is undoubtedly extremely enjoyable, some women have doubts and fears about the sight and scent of their bodies which may prevent them from relaxing and enjoying it.
But what most women don’t know is that very few men are anywhere near as critical of a woman’s body as she herself may be.
In particular, the scent and taste of her vulva is likely to be extremely arousing to a man: indeed, we’ve heard men refer to the vulva as a “honey pot”, which is a good reflection of how sweet and delicious this part of a woman’s body can seem to a man’s senses.
I think that’s really key, that women are very critical of their bodies and that their vaginas are often associated with sticky and smelly fluids that are embarrassing and need to be hidden. Menstruation really doesn’t do us many favors in this respect.
You need to let your lover know, repeatedly not just once, that you enjoy giving her oral sex.
Foreplay and her orgasm
Foreplay is often said to begin outside the bedroom.
In fact, you can start making love hours or days before you even enter the bedroom. After all, foreplay is also about making your partner feel loved and cherished, like he or she is the most special person in your life.
Sex isn’t just about orgasm: it’s also about bonding as a couple, feeling good about pleasing your partner, knowing that your partner wants you to be sexually fulfilled, and simply reveling in the sensuous side of your masculinity or femininity.
Women do enjoy passionate sex too! Sex for women doesn’t always have to be cuddly and soft, so don’t feel like it’s always got to be nice, romantic and soft.
However, I think one needs a secure and reliable relationship to let the darker passions emerge in a healthy way. All women are different, but very few are all angelic inside!
But as a man you may be frustrated by the fact that your partner doesn’t always reach orgasm. You may even feel like a failure, or somehow think that it’s your fault.
In fact there’s no need to feel this way, for in reality many women don’t know before sex whether or not they’ll be able to reach orgasm.
This probably seems very strange to a man, who is almost always going to be able to come â€“ sometimes without much stimulation at all! But there’s nothing unusual about this.
A woman’s sexual response is much more dependent on her emotions, thoughts and feelings that her partner’s is likely to be. Women, for example, are often shocked to find that their partner expects sex after an argument. For a woman, feeling emotionally connected to her partner, feeling loved and cherished, and being able to relax, are all important elements of reaching orgasm.
Please guys, don’t feel responsible for your partner’s orgasm.
Some articles on this:
It’s OK for her not to come, she might not want to and that’s really OK. Additionally, she can help herself to it through masturbation if she feels like she wants it. It’s not your responsibility to “make her” come. Just relax and chill out about it.
Men tend to be more focused on results than women, so it can be important for a man to know if his partner has actually had an orgasm.
But asking questions such as “Did you come?” or “How was it for you?” can put up barriers between a couple. It may not even be very important to a woman whether she has an orgasm or not. She may simply enjoy the closeness and intimacy of sex without feeling the need for an orgasm.
See! Just let the whole orgasm and achievement thing go!!! The world will be a better place for it.
In one survey which we conducted, two-thirds of women said they had faked an orgasm or lied about having one – usually so their partner didn’t feel bad! While it’s understandable that one partner should want to avoid hurting the other’s feelings, this isn’t as useful as open and honest communication would be.
It’s probably better to say that you couldn’t reach orgasm and then tell your partner how you feel about this than to see it as something from which you have to protect him.
Another good idea is to have a discussion about what might help you reach orgasm the next time you have sex, while being honest about the things you liked and didn’t like about your lovemaking.
On those occasions when a woman isn’t able to have an orgasm, she may feel a bit frustrated and express this frustration in a way that makes her partner feel unjustly criticized. Once again, good communication can help to overcome this problem.
Actually, if she is frustrated, I certainly wouldn’t say it’s OK for her to take it out on him! I think you are a bit too lenient here with the ladies, Rod.
If she is frustrated she might as well help herself to what she wants and I am sure you guys won’t say no to offering a little assistance here and there. Most women have a perfectly good time masturbating on their own, no there’s no need to give a man a hard time over sexual frustration.
Oral sex for him
When we asked men how they felt about oral sex, the results were, predictably perhaps, very enthusiastic! Most men had a hard time choosing whether vaginal penetration or fellatio, where a woman takes her partner’s penis into her mouth, was their favorite sexual activity.
What’s very clear, though, is that it’s incredibly important to most men that their partner is willing to give them oral sex, even if she doesn’t want him to come in her mouth.
Men seem to see fellatio as an act of total acceptance of them and their penis – which probably reflects how important a man’s penis is to his sense of maleness.
Basics first: please look after your favorite piece with plenty of soap and water. And relax and let her be in control. Women can enjoy treating their lover too.
If you’re a woman, you’ll probably know how important oral sex is to most men. However, unless you enjoy it, or you enjoy seeing the pleasure your partner gets from it, you should never feel under any pressure to do something you don’t like.
If, for example, you don’t like the taste of semen, then let him withdraw his penis from your mouth before he comes, and bring him off with your hand. If you’re worried that you don’t know how to give him pleasure, try a variety of moves with your lips and tongue, watch his response and then concentrate on the moves that give him most pleasure.
And although men are generally very penis centered during sex, they’ll really enjoy having their testicles gently fondled or licked while you give them oral sex.
Men are quite different with respect to how much stimulation they want on their penis. For some men soft oral sex is heaven, others want a bit or even loads more pressure.
Women, feel free to use your hands too. A good way of learning about what he wants is to watch him masturbate. It will give you a good idea about what kind of stimulation he goes for. In general, older guys will need more stimulation than younger ones and I suspect women tend to err on the side of softness rather than too much stimulation.
One aspect of oral sex that may be less exciting in real life than in fantasy is the “sixty-nine” or soixante-neuf position, where both partners give oral sex to each other at the same time.
You may find that cunnilingus and fellatio are much more enjoyable if you can just lie back and enjoy your partner’s attention without having to worry about pleasing them at the same time.
I agree with the point above. A 69 position needs more practice in relaxing and receiving. However, you need to hang in there and just practice more to get the feel for it.
A 69 position might be better for you if you like having full body length contact with your lover, especially if you have a tendency to drift off in your head.
By the way, it’s common for a man to lose his erection during foreplay, even if he’s giving his partner cunnilingus.
A lot of men seem to worry about this, but it’s a completely natural thing, and simply reflects the ebb and flow of sexual energy during foreplay. A firmer touch from his partner’s hand or mouth will soon restore a man’s erection.
I think it is really important for men not to stress about losing their erections.
As Rod says, erections come and go during the longer sessions of sex and more stimulation normally brings them back in no time.
The only thing to keep in mind is that your lover might need to know you are still enjoying yourself even if your erection goes for a little while as she might interpret this as you having lost interest.
Let her know you are still as ardent as before, hard erection or not.