Men and foreplay
Sadly, sometimes foreplay can seem boring, perhaps even tedious, to a man.
The truth is that if you’re able to focus on giving your partner sexual pleasure and your intention is to arouse her, you’ll find that her arousal will feed back to you and make you even more aroused.
This will eventually lead to a fantastic orgasm rather than just a good one when you do eventually come inside her.
If you don’t enjoy foreplay, ask yourself why.
If it is boring or hard work for you then something is wrong with the way you are going about it, rather than foreplay itself.
Mostly, sex and foreplay become boring when they are repetitive and always the same. Try something new instead or talk to your lover what you might rather do instead. Keeping foreplay interesting might not be as easy as it sounds, but it’s essential for sex to stay exciting.
Other ways of keeping sex exciting including exploring new ways of achieving sexual pleasure – including female ejaculation. You can find out about how to achieve female ejaculation here, and it is well worth exploring.
One of the great pleasures of foreplay is being able to enjoy sensuous skin-to-skin contact with your partner.
Take the time to look at each other too, for the visual stimulation of each other’s naked bodies can be a real turn-on. Savor your kisses, and take things slowly. This can be especially important for men, who may become so aroused that they desperately wish to move straight to penetration and ejaculation.
Video of how to female ejaculate!
But the longer you extend your foreplay, the greater the volume of semen you’ll produce when you do eventually ejaculate, and this in turn will make your orgasm and ejaculation feel much more powerful and satisfying.
Some delaying and waiting can be rather sexy, don’t you think?
There are no set rules about foreplay. The normal ebb and flow of sex can lead you naturally from one type of foreplay to another.
For example, undressing each other may be a matter of urgency on the way to the bedroom, or it may be a slow sensuous process which extends throughout your foreplay.
Similarly, kissing can be something you enjoy at any time during foreplay. By the way, it’s always important to be comfortable, so shifting position every so often to avoid a crick in the neck or any aching limbs during cunnilingus is a very good idea. (Of course, that’s true during fellatio as well!)
Feel free to take the pressure off. When you go with the flow, foreplay may not always develop into penetration (if there is pain on penetration, especially).
It will adjust itself to what feels right between the two of you at that point. It allows you to be really present rather than having to perform.
If you are really keen your ardor will communicate itself to your partner. Sometimes things might not work out the way you want them to, but there will be other times when you think that sex couldn’t get any better.
If there are regular issues between you and your partner when it comes to sex, talk about them!
Other thoughts for great foreplay!
By introducing new and different pleasures into your foreplay, you can help to keep your sex life fresh and exciting.
This may be as simple as kissing your partner’s feet, or it may involve giving him or her a massage. You may want to try using sex toys, dressing up in sexy clothes or acting out your secret fantasies and desires in the safety of your bedroom.
This is a great way of acting out fantasies that you might not be able to bring into the real world. But if you are exploring your sexual fantasies with each other, remember that trust is an important element of a loving relationship, and take care to respect whatever your partner reveals to you about their secret sexual desires.
Video – how to have amazing sex
I agree, trust and communication is everything. If you want to have a passionate sex life in a long-term relationship you need to work at sex, and work at the relationship.
As we said before, sensitivity is essential to successful sex. Knowing what your partner likes, understanding what’s important to them, and being able to explain to your partner what you like in a way that’s neither critical nor demanding is essential to a good sex life.
For the most enjoyable sex, it’s important that a woman feels loved and cherished, and kissing each other either gently or passionately, as the mood dictates, and saying romantic and loving words to each other, will all contribute to a better sexual experience for you both.
We tend to think of sex as an experience that involves penetration and penile thrusting. But there are plenty of other ways that a man and woman can achieve sexual intimacy and fulfillment.
For example, intimate touching and caressing is a very bonding experience, and plenty of touching before the moment of penetration can increase both partners’ arousal so that when they do reach orgasm it’s more powerful and satisfying.
As a general rule, men become aroused much more quickly than women, and it’s easy for a man to overlook a woman’s need for intimate touch.
A man should think of a woman’s whole body as an erogenous zone or a sexually sensitive organ.
In this way, he’ll avoid focusing too much on her vulva until she’s sufficiently aroused to enjoy this touch.
Sidebar – we have some good information for you to check out the contentious issue of female ejaculation, aka squirting orgasms – click here. If you want more specific facts about the best way to enjoy squirting orgasms check this out.
About penetration – advice for men and women
Men should understand that it’s important to respect a woman’s need only to be penetrated when she’s both physically and emotionally ready. One sign of this is a gentle wave-like motion of her hips – if you see this, it usually means that she’s aroused enough that she’s ready for a more intimate connection.
Also, as a woman becomes more aroused, she’ll begin to want to feel her man inside her. Her desire to be penetrated will be as great as her partner’s desire to penetrate her.
As you work towards this moment of intimate connection, a finger gently inserted into her vagina will reveal how aroused and lubricated she is.
One view is that a man should always ask his partner if he may penetrate her. Certainly there are times when this is a romantic and loving approach, reinforcing sex as an act of mutual love and respect.
Equally, however, there are times in a loving, trusting relationship when a sense of “being taken” may be both exciting and highly desirable for a woman.
(Sometimes in the foreplay leading up to penetration, a man’s erection softens or even disappears altogether. This is quite normal – erections come and go during sex. All that’s usually needed to restore firmness is a little more direct stimulation such as oral sex or the contact of his penis with his partner’s vulva.)
Hopefully, women have moved on by now and will be active in signaling the point at which they want to be penetrated. (But read this… it’s mostly relevant for the first time with a new partner.)
It seems odd to leave that decision to the guy really. If you as a man are not sure what your lover wants, maybe you need to talk about this at a non-sexual time or during foreplay, so that you can feel secure in doing the right thing. For a lot of men the thought of penetrating a woman who doesn’t really want them is abhorrent. I can understand that you want to be sure about this.
When you’re both ready for penetration, let it follow on naturally from the preceding sex play. If a woman’s vagina is lacking in natural lubrication, don’t worry about it.
This is something that can happen at any age – even when a woman is highly aroused. If necessary, you can simply add a little water-based lube such as Probe, Astroglide or Sensitelle to your penis, her vulva, or the outside of the condom.
By the way, a little lube can sometimes improve sex for you even when you don’t feel it’s necessary. Too much lube, however, can reduce a man’s pleasure, much of which comes from the tightness of his partner’s vagina around his penis.
By the way, it’s always essential to wear a condom if you’re not sure of each other’s sexual history.
Women like wetness. Don’t be shy with the lube.
During any sexual experience, the moment of penetration can be extremely exciting for both partners. You may want to take it slowly, to savor the moment, to fully enjoy the exquisite moment as the male hardness enters the feminine softness, to experience the magic of a woman’s flesh parting to allow her man’s penis into her body.
This is a true moment of sexual union and connection, and in a relationship of love and trust it can give satisfaction that goes beyond the purely physical.
And what if you just don’t want foreplay?
One of the things that we sometimes forget about sex is that it doesn’t always have to be pre-planned or involve lots of foreplay. You might decide from time to time to have “quickie” sex, that’s to say sex without foreplay.
There’s no doubt that men especially can appreciate a quick orgasm without the need to have a complete session of lovemaking.
If you do have such an arrangement, then it’s a nice idea to also have a regular romantic evening, perhaps starting with dinner, to make love as slowly and luxuriously as you desire.
Finally, don’t forget that foreplay can always be an end in itself.
We often think of it as the prelude to penetration and intercourse, but if you’ve both enjoyed an orgasm through oral sex or masturbation and you’re feeling sexually fulfilled, you may not want to move onto intercourse.
However, if you do, in the next sections of this website, we’ll look at a variety of positions for making love and the advantages and disadvantages of each.
Keep in mind that the essence of good sex is intimacy, communication, and being willing to find the ways in which you and your partner can get the most out of your lovemaking, not constantly finding new positions to try!
Variety is extremely important for sex. If you expand your sex life you won’t get into a boring routine.
Quickies can be extremely sexy for women, or what seems like a quickie can be the end point of a day of verbal foreplay and insinuations. Feel free to play! Quick sex, long romantic sex, passionate sex: they’re all great, and they stay great if you keep mixing them.