Sex – where do we start?
If you see a relationship as a dance between two partners where each partner is listening to a different tune and rhythm, and dancing according to a different set of steps, then good sex might be seen as trying to do the same while riding an elemental thunderstorm and expecting to have a great time!
Sex can be wonderful, but having wonderful sex can be hard work and difficult. People often expect something as instinctual as sex to just “happen naturally” in a fulfilling way, but all too often, it just ain’t so….
We are human beings, and as such we carry our good and bad memories of past relationships and sex, our ability (or lack of ability) to trust and let go, our current stresses, our issues about the relationship, and so on, and so on, into our sexual encounters.
So the list of influences which interfere with our ability to have natural, fulfilling sex is long and complicated. That’s why you can’t simply expect sex to be earth shattering and fully satisfying without working at it. It isn’t like that.
Yet sex is a great thing. When it works well it has the capacity to relax us, to let us meet another person truly and deeply, and to lift us out of our isolation into a spiritual, ecstatic, and passionate level which goes beyond normal living.
And sex can be fun, a great thing to be shared and enjoyed. It strengthens and deepens our relationships and can endow a relationship with exclusive connection and a special kind of bond.
Sex also satisfies our inbuilt need for contact, closeness and the release of our sexual energies. And sex can be powerful, passionate, steamy and consuming.
Unfortunately, sex has also been repressed, marginalized, condemned and abused for a long time. And whatever your sexual orientation, gender issues will influence how you see yourself and your partner as sexual beings.
Power and sex don’t go together very well, but they are inextricably linked through gender politics, history and culture.
All these historical leftovers mean that most people start on their sexual journey with too little information, and possibly also with rather bad experiences behind them.
Additionally, as a society we still don’t talk about sex with each other, with our partners, our children, or our friends. Sex is often either romanticized and devoid of all passion, or passionate and hot but disconnected from relationships.
And disconnection from relationship can result in objectification of the other person.
Laci Green – Sexual Objectification
Before we finish this introduction let us say one more thing on the power and passion of sex.
Sex is an incredibly strong force. It is much older than we are as a species. It connects us with elemental forces in our lives which may be frightening. It breaks down our personal defenses and personality structure, even if only for a brief period, but in doing so it can be greatly disturbing and powerful.
Yet sex loses its core energy if we tame it or try and contain it, and becomes dead and boring.
Sex is therefore often a force which is opposite to our tendencies for security and stability in relationships: in fact, sex and stability co-exist in a strange balance. Find out how to manifest wealth and spiritual abundance in your life here. And sex is a little like a living being which needs continuous attention, love and energy.
If you think you’ve finally arrived at a stable and good sex life, think again!
A stable and repetitive sex life will rapidly lead to the death of your desire and terminal boredom.
The other side of this is that sex is a powerful force towards personal growth. It propels us from childhood into adulthood and lets us leave the (hopefully) safe environment of our families of origin behind. It demands that we strike out into the world, taking risks and finding a mate.
And working on your sexual development both individually and in a relationship is a great way to increase your sense of connectedness and your energy and passion for life.
I urge you not to close down this area of your life and soul (nor to let it stay closed): to do so would mean leaving a lot of yourself behind on your journey through life.